The meaning of love

If anybody asked me what I needed the most to survive, I wouldn’t say air, water, or food like a witty teenager. I would say I need him, a person without whom I cannot imagine a second of my life. This is something every husband tells his wife, every son tells his mother or a friend says to her best friend, but only now I realize the real essence of that statement. It scares me. It scares me that I do not have an identity, a purpose, and a means of life if it were not for him. A chill runs down my spine every time I ask myself “What if he wasn’t there? If I should use a metaphor I’d say I would be a dying parasite, a wilted sunflower or a lost child.

I remember a day when I sat and wondered if I was capable of achieving my goals. I was worn out, all my hard work had gone down the drain and I had lost confidence in myself. He just smiled reassuringly and said “You are capable of achieving anything in the world if you work hard. I have faith in you. Just believe in yourself, work hard and never give up.” Those words have kept me going through all the obstacles that I have faced in my life and I still keep repeating those words to myself whenever I feel low.

I need him for inspiration. I need him to cry. I need him to guide me, to tell me who I am. I need him to solve every little problem of mine. I need him to live. Does everybody have a person in their life who they can’t live without? Is it right to do that?

I always thought of myself as an independent, detached girl who doesn’t need anyone’s support to conquer the world. To me, it was a kind of revelation that was intimidating. Only then did I realize that this inexplicable feeling is called love.

Everything that I do, everything I aspire to do is to bring a smile to his face. My ambition in life is to make him happy and proud. My world revolves around him. When he is angry with me, I feel ashamed. When he is disappointed, I hate myself. When he is proud of me, I am the happiest girl in the world. Now I know what this intimidating and inexplicable feeling is. Now I know why I can’t survive without him. It’s because I love him. I love my father. It usually doesn’t take so much for a child to know that she loves her father. But this was required. It was required to understand the real meaning of three words that every daughter says to her father. “I love you, Dad!”